This Thing I Do

Saving and losing life. 

This thing I do. 

Failing and falling forward. 

I am nine months into this writing project, and it continues to surprise and delight me. Today’s surprise was looking back two years and seeing the same words that I just journaled this morning. The same message I wanted to remember and keep in mind for the day.  

“Then Jesus said to his disciples, ‘Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it.’” These words from Matthew 16 are in the passage where Jesus predicts his death. He is about to lose his life because of his love for humanity. He knew that to convey his message of a new kind of living, he had to deny himself. For his followers to find life, they needed his example to follow. This is undeniable, reckless love.  

Every morning, I sit here and do this thing I do. This thing where I sit in silence, read, and journal. I reflect on my days past and my days to come. This thing I do is a gift, because I am able to look back and see the many lessons I’ve been taught. I can reflect on my reflections and live in a way that brings honor to my life and to my God.  

I will never deny my imperfection; my timeline is littered with mistakes and poor decisions. But somehow, I am here. Now. Grateful to be given another day to look back, to look ahead, and to do the work given for me to do today. And I’m sure I will fail and fall short. But I do, I trust that I will fail and fall in a way that will lead me forward.  

We must continually remind ourselves that we’re doing the best we can with the tools we currently possess and with the experiences that led us to this point in our timelines. We have been given this one life to live, to use, and to lose in hope that we may save what really matters. Living life in a way that pleases God, nourishes our souls, and serves others.  

Today, I am grateful for the life I lost and the life I’ve found, for the things I do even when I don’t know what I’m doing, and for the failing and falling that leads me forward day after day.